Decoding How Cats Show Affection

Published August 26, 2011

Getty Images: Cat Affection

How do cats show affection? Head butting is just one answer!

I am totally amazed when people ask me how cats show affection. Most do not know the signs and consider kitties to be aloof, which is definitely not the case.

Cat affection can be displayed in very subtle ways. Totally different from dogs, who express love through tail-wagging and wet sloppy kisses, felines show their adoration and trust using body language that might can easy to miss.

Here are some common signs of cat affection:

  • Eye blinks: When a cat meets a stranger for the first time, they give them an unblinking stare. They are wary. Cats that feel trust and affection for a human often blink at them. Now you may wonder why that is a positive sign. While it is not exactly the "wink" that humans use to express affection, (although it makes a lot of sense that may be the origin of that very commonly-used method of "flirting" between people), it is a gesture of trust and acceptance. So if your cat presents you with half-closed eyes, and blinks at you, you have received a kitty "kiss".
  • Grooming: When your cat allows you to groom him, this is another sure sign that he trusts you and feels cat affection for you. Not only are cats cleaning each other when they indulge in one of their favorite pastimes, they also usegrooming as a stress-reliever and a way to build mutual bonds. If your cat offers to groom you, you have actually been accepted as part of his feline "family."
  • Head Rubbing: When a cat rubs her face on a human, she is using scent glands on her cheeks to mark her territory. this can both mean affection, and that she is claiming the human in question as her "property." Cats also rub their faces on a wide variety of objects around the house, so it is fun to see which possessions are favorites. Head "butting" is yet another common display of loving.
  • Belly Display: This sign of cat affection is one of the most profound acts of trust a cat can bestow on a human. This vulnerable act is one that needs to be truly appreciated and respected. However, it is not necessarily an invitation for a belly rub, so please approach a cat in this position very cautiously.
  • Kneading: A cat kneading against your body is an act of sheer contentment, trust and true adoration. Often this is accompanied by drooling, which is the ultimate display of pleasure. This behavior originates when cats are newly born kittens, and helps stimulate milk flow from their mother. Highly regressive and instinctual, when your cat kneads you it is a supreme expression of delight and love.

Have I neglected any other signs of cat affection? Leave a comment and add to the list.

Author's profile photo
Jo Singer

Shortly after retiring as a social worker and psychotherapist, I discovered my "writer's voice"…

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Comments (249)

Anonymous (Unverified)
we got our Noelani from a foster shelter when she was a month old and at three months we were able to adopt her. She is the sweetest most cuddly cat i have ever met. She curls up next to me to sleep every night and right before she finds her "spot" to curl up to she licks my nose and I tell her that it smells like Fancy Feast and love (And to think, I would come to like the smell of cat food!). Shes about nine months old now and makes even the worst days happier
Cathy (Unverified)
My cat Lily settled down on the pillow as she always does when I go to sleep. She then took strands of my hair in her mouth, spread them on the pillow, and rested her head on the hair. Lily drifted off to sleep. I think this is one of the most loving things I have ever seen an animal do!
Rob Atkins (Unverified)
What light can you shed.....on cats licking a lot? I know that I taste good, but are there other reasons for it?
Anonymous (Unverified)
When your cat continuously licks you to the point of it kind of hurting your skin, they are trying to groom you. This is a high level of love and adoration. Very similar to that of monkeys or orangutans when you watch them pick at each others hair and grooming each other...it's a bonding ritual.
K. H. (Unverified)
Here I bring you the tale of "Mr. Scott", a tale of affection for my adopted kitty. Mr. Scott was a female cat that when I met her was already 13 years old and I was 14 at my first professional job. She was almost blind in both eyes, had both her ears and her tail burned almost completely off in two seperate fires, had been hit by 3 different cars, caught under a garage door twice, and attacked numerous times by dogs. She was the favorite animal of my first boss Brian and his wife Mercedes. Everything that was described in the article here was done by her in varying degrees to the people she loved. In the years that followed she became blind in both eyes and was completely dependent on sound and smell. Eventually she took to me more than her owners as I would always be there for her when she needed food, water, or attention. I worked long hours at this place (an Internet Service Provider) and would be there at all hours of the night. I would notice that Mr. Scott would rub against spots and objects randomly throughout the building (the Owners lived and worked there), seemingly at random. After thinking about it and finding out from my friend that rubbing was a sign of "marking" and affection, I noticed that everywhere that Mr. Scott rubbed was a place that I had recently been. She couldn't see me or even at times hear me, but she could smell me and made sure to put her scent everywhere I was in that building. From the sound of my voice she could find me, and if I dragged a shirt I was wearing on the floor near her, she would follow the trail where the shirt was to come back to me. She was a marvelous cat. She finally passed on after the owners moved to a new building and her last days of sight were in the old building so she knew where nothing was in the new building. She was 23 years old and my favorite kitty of all times. Everyone should remember that you never know how long you will have with your feline friends so you should love them as much as they love you.
Anonymous (Unverified)
No wonder Mr Scott loved you, you sound like a great person :)
Anonymous (Unverified)
Thanks for the info about kneading. When I was a teenager, we had a cat who would do that to me--complete with slobber. He was as playful as a dog, but I never knew that he loved me as much I loved him.