Decoding How Cats Show Affection

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| Print | By Jo Singer | September 18, 2009 10:47 AM

I am often totally amazed when I talk to some folks about felines, when they tell me they consider cats to be "standoffish" and aloof. They do not consider them to be very affectionate. I scratch my head in bewilderment and wonder on what planet they spend their time. I really suspect that they have heard these "old wives' tales" which have been passed on by people who are quite uninformed about cats, and sadly they believe it! They cannot have actually spent any time with kitties, which of course those who are feline-fluent rightly know cats are one of the most affectionate, intelligent and delightful species of all.

17-loving cats.jpg This said, cats can be very subtle in their display of affection. Totally different from dogs, who express their love through tail-wagging and covering us with an abundance of wet sloppy kisses, felines show their adoration and trust using body language which to those who are not familiar with them might completely miss those signals.

So I thought it prudent to share the many techniques which felines use to bring even the most inexperienced potential cat lover up to speed and quickly dispel that "old wives' tale" myth. This may also open unexpected doors for people new to cats so they may expand their relationship with kitties.

Eye blinks: When a cat meets a stranger for the first time, they often give them an unblinking stare. Since they have not yet developed trust, so they are wary. Cats that feel trusting and affection for a human often blink at them. Now you may wonder why that is a positive sign. While it is not exactly the "wink" that humans use to express affection, (although it makes a lot of sense that may be the origin of that very commonly used method of "flirting" between people), but when a cat closes its eyes for a moment in the company of another cat, it is a gesture of trust and acceptance. This trusting behavior translates to interactions with humans as well. So if your cat presents you with half-closed eyes, and blinks at you, you have received a kitty "kiss".

Grooming: When your cat allows you to groom him, this is another sure sign that kitty trusts you and feels affectionate toward you. Not only are cats cleaning each other when they indulge in one of their favorite pastimes, they also use this form of communication as a stress-reliever and a way to build mutual bonds. And if you are very lucky, if your cat offers to groom you, you have actually been accepted as part of his feline "family".

Head Rubbing: When a cat purposely rubs its face on a human, since there are scent glands on their faces which are used to mark their territories, this can both mean affection, and that they are claiming the human as their "property". Cats also rub their faces on a wide variety of objects around the house, so it is fun to see which possessions are their favorites. Head "butting" is yet another common display of loving.

Belly Display: This is one of the most profound acts of trust that a cat can bestow on a human. This vulnerable act is one that needs to be truly appreciated and respected. This said, however, it is not necessarily an invitation for a belly rub, so please approach a cat in this position very cautiously.

Kneading: A cat kneading against your body is an act of sheer contentment, trust and true adoration. Often this is accompanied by drooling, which is the ultimate display of pleasure. This behavior originates when they are newly born kittens, and helps stimulate milk flow from their mother. Highly regressive and instinctual, when your cat kneads you this is a supreme expression of delight and love.

Have I neglected any other signs of feline affection? Leave a comment and add to the list.

RELATED TOPICS: Behavior (25) , Blogs (262) , Cats (117)

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Vicki September 18, 2009 12:21 PM

I think you pretty much covered all the bases. I can't think of anything else to add. Good job!

Iniki September 18, 2009 12:40 PM

I would add tail attitude which is a part of body language but here we see a waving tail and a content face to be a sign. They seem to go hand in hand. Cuddling under the covers sure seems to be a sign of love too. Our cat loves to cuddle under the covers and will stay all night.
Great article. Thanks so much.

jmuhj September 18, 2009 3:32 PM

You forgot Bunting, Jo! It's different from head rubs in that the cat actually "hits" you with his forehead, a sign of deep affection and camaraderie.

And all the "old wives" in my family KNEW the cat to be the most affectionate, intelligent, beautiful, agile, powerful and loyal companion, bar none! While a dog will lick up to, jump on, knock down, slobber all over, and keep coming back to anyone at all, even someone abusive to it, a cat's love is real, true, and complex.

For us, there's no comparison! and no one but cats will do.

donna September 18, 2009 5:53 PM

Wow...amazing. I knew some of these.. but now I know Mouse truly adores me and Wheezel totally trusts me and Chester trusts me and loves me, and Pirate adores me, and Missy Toe... she trusts and adores me too. :D

I love the head butts I get from Mousie every morning and the licks on my nose with his mousie tongue to get me up. He's a character...he just started kneading my tummy.

Wheez has always let me brush her tummy..and I mean for hours if I'd sit still that long.

Every AM and PM, Wheez, Ches and Mouse *demand* I groom them. Missy will come into the living room occasionally for a brush, but still prefers hers here in the computer room. (I don't think she'll ever forgive me for going to work full time OUTside the house. Pirate, he's just a love. He kneads me too but OUCH..them claws can be sharp. But he's good about letting me cut them. Now, if only MOUSE was as good about cutting claws. He's like tring to hold down a wildcat! And that's just the front! LOLOL

Thanks Jo!

Amy September 18, 2009 5:53 PM

My kitty Freckles love to head butt me. Then falls over and then asks to be pet.

Kimberly September 19, 2009 1:38 PM

My cats do all of these. I also get the meows, because I know my cats only vocalize because I talk to them so they're making me feel comfy. And my cat hunts my slippers and brings them to me, which is sweet. Much better than a mouse.

Malcolm September 22, 2009 7:46 PM

My cat does all of the above (fortunately) hawever after twelve cats in my life, he is the first to give my a nibble/kiss on the cheek with his lips, not teeth or jaw. It is the most gentle tender thing.

Kayla September 27, 2009 3:36 AM

My cat does everything you listed. She sleeps under the covers with me everynight, and follows me around the house. She talks back to me all the time, and comes running to me when I call her. She trusts me the most in my house, and I know she loves me very much. I absolutely love cats, there very affectionate in their own way!

Glenda October 22, 2009 10:04 PM

This is so enlightening! We had a cat just pop up at our home however, his behavior was that of very non-trusting, frightened little creature. My husband and I had never had a cat before but he has turned into such a cuddle-bug. Our relationship started with a bowl of milk (which he will now ask for by meowing-it honestly sounds like he is saying "Milk"). He has made off like a bandit with our hearts as his motor races on to the next act of amazement. Thank you for posting this article so people like myself can benefit from your knowledge and realize that we are part of our feline's family by our nightly bath of toe licking to the trust of his allowing us to groom him without struggle when he meekly rest his body against my arms while being bathed with no more tears baby shampoo after something had attacked scaring him to the degree he had lost all control of his little bowels in the darkness of the night. Thank you again for us to share in the joy that we re loved!

karen February 7, 2010 2:57 AM

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what about when a kitten is doing the head butting thing to your face- but then turns around and puts her butt in your face? my kitten does that to my husband all the time... and we can't really figure out an exact reason for it- i mean, she's not being anything but affectionate really... just want to know if theres more to it than that....

Debbie March 8, 2010 8:41 PM

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My little Callie (2 years old) does sort of the same thing. When I am patting her head or other front areas, she always turns around, and before I know it, I am inadvertently patting her butt. She seems to like this, however, and repeats this behavior several times before moving on. I just figured it is an odd quirk (among many quirks that pets can display)...as well as a sign of trust.

lisa dickson February 7, 2010 7:32 PM

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Loved your article. I would say you have covered most displays. My cat Sasha of 2 year has displayed most of these. She only displays this to myself and my daughter. (I think she senses that my partner is not a cat lover) When Sasha was in labour with her 1st litter she would follow me around if I was not beside her. While pushing out her kittens she would lay on her side and push her paw on my arm as she pushed. I felt truly privilaged to be there for her and see her little ones being born. It showed how comfortable she feels and how much she trusts me. Her kitten of 6 months is also as affectionate and is following her mother's actions. They are my treasures and I would be lost without them :)

kaitlyn L February 14, 2010 5:22 PM

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you forgot one. if they nuzzle their heads into you when your holding them, in such a way that their eyes are covered, it also shows trust, because they are not watching you. it covered everything else though. great article

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