Remembering Pets on Memorial Day
Memorial day celebrates the loved ones we’ve lost, and I hope it’s not too much of a stretch to include our furry family members. Most pets won’t outlive their owners, making the short time we share with them even more precious.
Accidents may tear them away from us while they’re young. Some drift off in the gentle sleep of old age and never awake. Others linger, in questioning pain, begging for relief with silent eyes. Is it selfish to want to prolong his life? When is the right time to say goodbye? Cost of care, concerns over his comfort, and guilt about making these choices can make last weeks or months together even more difficult.
There is no wrong answer.
Take a moment to look at your pet, stroke her soft fur, and smile through any sadness because you know she trusts you to make these decisions for her. Your cat won’t “blame” you, no matter what choice you make. And it doesn’t matter what other folks think.
Give yourself permission to say yes, this is hard. It hurts. It’s supposed to be hard. It wouldn’t be so difficult if you didn’t care so much. Any choice you make that’s based on love and concern for your pet’s welfare cannot be wrong. Listen to your heart, and she’ll tell you when she’s ready to say goodbye.
The death of a beloved cat or dog can be the first experience children have with losing someone they love. It’s important to honor and respect the relationship children have with their pet, and acknowledge the spiritual side of that bond between a person and an animal. Explain to your kids that all things must die, that even though pets live shorter lives, we become better people because of the wonderful love that we’ve shared.
Grieving is a normal, human process, and major loss of any kind will produce bereavement. But pet bereavement has unique qualities because many owners look on their pets as dependent children. D*gs and cats represent milestones in our life. Perhaps the pet was a childhood playmate, accompanied you to college, was there for your wedding, or your divorce, maybe helped you through a serious illness or the loss of a spouse. My first d*g turned me into a pet writer, and losing him felt like losing a part of myself.
There is no right way to experience grief. Each person’s experience will be different, and the process can be short or long. The stages of grief are not necessarily sequential—you may feel depression, then denial and anger or these emotions in any other order, and guilt often stalks you afterwards. Have faith that you made the best possible decision at that time. Delayed grief may also knock on your door. In these cases, you feel odd, empty, or even guilty for lack of distress. Emotional meltdown comes days, weeks, even months later, perhaps prompted by finding a long-hidden pet toy under the bed. All of these aspects of grief are normal.
Memorializing your pet can help you get through the grieving process. Perhaps you can create a memorial gravesite beneath a favorite tree the pet loved. The pet’s ashes can be kept in container of your choice in your home, garden, or even scattered in a memorial ceremony. You can even have the cremated remains turned into gemstones. Some veterinarians will make a paw impression for you, or you may wish to keep a lock of fur, a favorite toy mouse, or the dog’s collar.
Memorials can be expensive purchases, such as a grave marker, or something as simple as creating a scrapbook full of memories. Write a letter or poem to your cat. Donate money in your her honor to a worthy animal organization. Commission a portrait from an animal artist. Creative remembrances individual to your pet will mean the most. A formalized type of memorial can be particularly helpful to children.
After the death of a special pet, some people want another one right away while others may never be ready for another pet. Each person has a different timeframe. Please remember that any future pets will NOT replace your lost beloved, but instead will be a legacy to her memory. After all, other cats and d*gs need you, and such unselfish love should not be wasted--a new fur-kid can be the best memorial of all. My Seren(dipity) cat and Magic-d*g remind me of this every day.
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