Home | Training & Behavior

Decoding How Cats Show Affection

by Jo Singer
Published August 26, 2011

Getty Images: Cat Affection

How do cats show affection? Head butting is just one answer!

I am totally amazed when people ask me how cats show affection. Most do not know the signs and consider kitties to be aloof, which is definitely not the case.

Cat affection can be displayed in very subtle ways. Totally different from dogs, who express love through tail-wagging and wet sloppy kisses, felines show their adoration and trust using body language that might can easy to miss.

Here are some common signs of cat affection:

  • Eye blinks: When a cat meets a stranger for the first time, they give them an unblinking stare. They are wary. Cats that feel trust and affection for a human often blink at them. Now you may wonder why that is a positive sign. While it is not exactly the "wink" that humans use to express affection, (although it makes a lot of sense that may be the origin of that very commonly-used method of "flirting" between people), it is a gesture of trust and acceptance. So if your cat presents you with half-closed eyes, and blinks at you, you have received a kitty "kiss".
  • Grooming: When your cat allows you to groom him, this is another sure sign that he trusts you and feels cat affection for you. Not only are cats cleaning each other when they indulge in one of their favorite pastimes, they also usegrooming as a stress-reliever and a way to build mutual bonds. If your cat offers to groom you, you have actually been accepted as part of his feline "family."
  • Head Rubbing: When a cat rubs her face on a human, she is using scent glands on her cheeks to mark her territory. this can both mean affection, and that she is claiming the human in question as her "property." Cats also rub their faces on a wide variety of objects around the house, so it is fun to see which possessions are favorites. Head "butting" is yet another common display of loving.
  • Belly Display: This sign of cat affection is one of the most profound acts of trust a cat can bestow on a human. This vulnerable act is one that needs to be truly appreciated and respected. However, it is not necessarily an invitation for a belly rub, so please approach a cat in this position very cautiously.
  • Kneading: A cat kneading against your body is an act of sheer contentment, trust and true adoration. Often this is accompanied by drooling, which is the ultimate display of pleasure. This behavior originates when cats are newly born kittens, and helps stimulate milk flow from their mother. Highly regressive and instinctual, when your cat kneads you it is a supreme expression of delight and love.

Have I neglected any other signs of cat affection? Leave a comment and add to the list.

Author's profile photo
Jo Singer

Shortly after retiring as a social worker and psychotherapist, I discovered my "writer's voice"…

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Comments (251)

ACE (Unverified)
Added 04-30-2013 01:47am
My husband and I were given a huge Maine Coon when his human became too ill to keep feeding him. He was a huge tuxedo cat who was blind in one eye and very much a "street warrior". He was "tired" in the way that feral fed-on-the-porch cats get after a few years. He loved to lay down about 6 inches from you but no closer, and preferred that you not touch him unless invited. He would follow you from room to room, but would never lie down next to you any closer than 6 inches. My husband who worked at home used a small conference table as a desk and Socks (a wimpy name for a majestic old street warrior - but my two daughters who named him were young and could not have imagined what a feral cat life would have been like) - Socks would lay curled up in an empty envelope box and watch him work, until either became bored, and then the fight was on. My husband would pull on a heavy leather glove out of a desk drawer, and Socks would attack from his box and so the Cat Warrior vs Mr Hand battle was on! They would battle back and forth over his huge desk until Socks lost interest and retired to the envelope box, or Mr Hand would surrender and Socks would drag the defeated leather glove back to the box for a while. A few hours later, I could hear them start up again with growling, howling and trash talking coming from my Oh-So-Dignified husband's office. We think he was about 20 years old at least and devoted to my youngest college-aged daughter when he went to his final rest. He had survived the street, Mr Hand, the introduction of two German Shepherds, two pugs, and two uppity female cats, and two adoring little girls - and the ever amused me. He had traded his independence and the street life - not to mention being fixed - for a different kind of domesticated life. I would like to think he appreciated that. To the point of the column, the only affection touching he ever showed was when he wanted his ears scratched, he would rear up on his hind legs, stretching up his full length and "gently" whack your face with a paw. Only a minute or two of scratching allowed, then he was off like a shot. I have had many animals during his time, but I still miss him so much. In some ways, he taught me what being a survivor was all about.
Anonymous (Unverified)
Added 05-01-2013 10:43pm
That was an amazing story, very eloquent. Thank you for sharing.
Anonymous (Unverified)
Added 04-29-2013 05:15pm
Mine gave me eskimo kisses, rubbing his nose to mine.
Twinkle's Buddy (Unverified)
Added 04-28-2013 01:30am
My sweet cat Twinkle does all of those things, including rolling on her back for a "tum rub." The funny thing about it is as I rub her tummy gently, she wrestles with my hand, gives me a light bite or two and gets her back feet going. So cute! She also is what I call a "nudger." She not only rubs her head on you, but nudges you with her nose, sometimes directly on my nose! She will lick your hand, which seems like more of a kiss than a taste, and she is quite the talker and will always give you a greeting meow and often a purr-meow which sounds sort of like "brrrrrrr." Cats are very affectionate -- all you have to do is treat them with love and respect and you will get that back in spades.
Anonymous (Unverified)
Added 04-27-2013 11:27pm
I adopted a feral cat from the shelter years ago. It took several years before he was "normal" - that I could pick him up, love on him, give him smooches. He lived under the bed for the first year! Just terrified of everything, as well as blind in one eye and mostly deaf. lol, he was my hot little mess! When he wanted attention, he'd jump up on the couch and pat my arm 3 times with his paw, and give a little squeak. I'd pick him up and he'd lay back in my arms for a belly rub - and always lick my nose 3 times. Never 2, never 4. Three was his number.:) He stole my heart every time!! I had him 18 years and still miss him every day! He was my little Bear. :) Earning his trust took forever, but what a gift once I had it!
Anonymous (Unverified)
Added 04-28-2013 12:17am
My cat and my kitten was born from a feral mother.Both of them would run and hide when someone comes over.They do not butt heads, the kitten is very smart girl. My male cat is my baby he loves to sleep under my covers. I caught them, when they were kittens, It took me few months, for both of them to come around.I have three cats and that kitten. All four of them have their own personality.
Cleo's human (Unverified)
Added 04-27-2013 02:01pm
My cat (Cleocatra) is usually very quiet, but she wakes me in the morning with lots loud purring and sharp little, almost, barks and sometimes continues until I feed her. Is this all about her morning food? On ocassion we will have 'conversations' in the afternoon (different sounds from morning). These are more complex, sentence, vocalizations. I would love to have some kind of interpretation. Thanks
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