AND TO MY BELOVED CATS, I LEAVE….

How much is Mommy leaving me?

Leona Helmsley passing has been nothing but trouble for me. Ever since she left 12 million to her dog, my babies have been in a snit. Oh, they haven’t come right out and asked. But I know they’re thinking: What’s Mommy leaving us?

I guess making provisions for the sweet-ums is the smart thing. But when I told my hubby I wanted to leave everything to McDuff, Sinead, and Angela, he said, I couldn't. “Husbands inherit first," he insisted, explaining that when a wife dies, her assets automatically fall to her husband. “But of course,” he said with a wily smile, “I’ll take care of the cats.” His tone was a bit odd, though, and his eyes closed into snake-like slits. So I decided to check all this out with the lawyer.

Meantime,I’m writing up a list of my babies idiosyncrasies—things no one but a loving mother would know, like the specific point under her neck that Angela likes rubbed at regular intervals, how McDuff requires at least two hours of fetch (in the kitchen where he can slide) to keep his 22 ½ physique in shape, and how Sinead likes her chicken baked not broiled. I’ve also composed a list of prospective guardians should anything happen to me.

All kidding aside, as a pet owner, it’s important to leave instructions behind concerning your darlings. It wouldn’t be a bad idea either to allot money, too. I told my husband I could will the cats my book royalties. After he stopped laughing, he assured me he was just kidding before, and that he’s taken care of the babies in a modest kitty trust fund. Good men are hard to find, and, boy did I luck out.